why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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