Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
