How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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