she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
