For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
