I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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