She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
