I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
