Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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