Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
