How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
