I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
