I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
