You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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