she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize