I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
