After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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