Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He did a backflip because drugs
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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