I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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