I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
