Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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