You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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