It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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