Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
