i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
