Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
