Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
