apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
