just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
