I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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