Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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