u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
