I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
