Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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