I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
