2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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