He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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