Can i not drive my cunt home
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
