Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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