just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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