meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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