In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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