i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
