I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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