I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
