wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
