Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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