I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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