I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
