that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
