So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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