I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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