Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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