Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I wear drunk well.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize