Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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