when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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