What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
