He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
