the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
