Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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