Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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