Sry I called you an 8
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sex in the backyard? Check.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
