i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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