I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
the liver wants what the liver wants
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
