Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
