Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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