i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
is wine microwaveable?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize