either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
even my farts smell like vagina
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize