All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
