somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
