i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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