just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He better not be in your backpack
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
