Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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