She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
