I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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