why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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