I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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