The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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