no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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