I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
