well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
