please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My bed smells like the plague
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
