You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
