break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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