so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
