I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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