i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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