I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
