My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
