She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
