Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize