: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
