I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
