On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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