she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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