girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
