yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
