OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
