We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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