Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
