Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
