god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize