Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
