I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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